by Alexandra Valentine

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Alexandra Valentine UK

Hey hi I'm Alexandra Valentine. I'm a transgender Punk with a DIY attitude and a low-fi sound. I'm here to write some songs and explode my gender in the process

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Track Name: Questioning Your Gender In The 21st Century
There is no sad beginning to this journey
Sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself
I’ve got nothing left to hide and though I
Worry deep inside I can just be me and no one else

And sometimes I feel crushed with expectations
All the questions I don’t have the answers to
Still I’d take that any day over having it all just ripped away
If I don’t have the answers then that’s OK

And when its time to ask the question
30 minutes spent just staring at my face
I found myself asking the question
Am I OK with decisions made in my place

This time I’m set to really come out swinging
My fist raised in the air, rejection of
That my face and my voice mean that I don’t have a choice
Respect my wishes am I really asking too much

And you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover
You should not assume until you’re sure
And if you are confused by the answer
Then that is what Google’s fucking for

And when its time to ask the question
Don’t over-think it just go with what’s in your gut
You should know that if you the question
Everything that you are is enough
Track Name: Knock Me Down If You Can
Well it feels good to be me
And that’s my reality
After so many years of resistance

Sick of feeling down
So I turned myself around
This is who I am and I’m not sorry

No I won’t run and hide
And I won’t apologize
If you think that you can change my mind
Well go ahead and try

I’ve spent all my life
Burned out and ostracized
Battle scarred before I even hit 16
So if you’d like a dare
And if you are prepared
I may be damaged but I can deal out my fair share

Being honest is a choice
Honesty has Its own voice
I was afraid of being honest but not anymore

And I’ve been kicked around
Had my dreams shot to the ground
But I’m never gonna let that hold me down

Had enough of standing by
feeling like I’m gonna cry
But I have done my crying
Now it’s time to try

I’ve spent all my life
Feeling like I wasn’t right
Something must be wrong with me inside
So if you wanna try
And tell me that I’m a lie
You best be ready to fucking hit me right between the eyes
Yeah you best be ready to fucking hit me right between the eyes
Track Name: Perception Is In Society Not Clothing
If you wanna wear what you wanna wear
You have to rip and you have to tear
At the fabric of society not at your clothes

Cause if we really wanna blur the lines
In between all of the sides
We gotta strip off all the labels
We Gotta normalize

Girls in straight cut clothes
And Boys in pantyhose
Gotta make your own decisions
Male aint what I chose

Here’s what I’ve come to find
A perception is in our mind
It’s not built into our clothing
We can leave it behind

So just wear what you wanna wear
Do it boldly and without a care
It’s not a crime to be yourself
You’re just you and no one else

What we’re born with is a lie
Cause we don’t get to decide
So I wear what I wanna wear
And I don’t really fucking care
What you think of me

Girls in straight cut clothes
And Boys in pantyhose
We can change all of the labels
Cause it’s all just fucking clothes

Girls in straight cut clothes
And Boys in pantyhose
We can change all of the labels
Cause it’s all just fucking clothes

Girls in straight cut clothes
And Boys in pantyhose
Boys in pantyhose
it’s all just fucking all just fucking clothes
Track Name: Being Yourself Is Harder Than It Looks
Let’s take everything I’ve learned
And put it in reverse
An entire deconstruction of myself

If you want to live this way
Here’s the thing that no one says
You’ll have to just rip your whole self away

I’m done living through compromise
I want to see through my own eyes
Without my vision fogging up with doubt

What’s it like to live without all of the pain
A longing for that feelings come again

So Let’s take everything I’ve learned
And put it in reverse
An entire deconstruction of myself

I wanted it so bad
That I took everything I had
And I threw it all away just to survive

And I kept it all to myself
Questions piled up on a shelf
The inside of my brain like a battleground

Why must I be born this way
And lie to myself that it’s ok
Did I do something wrong in a past life

How does it feel to live without all of the weight
Is there any time or is it too late

So let’s take everything I’ve learned
And put it in reverse
Is there still time to fix my sense of self

I’ve wanted this so bad
That it took everything I had
To hold myself together in the end

To conquer your fear you must first face it
And I’ve been too afraid to admit that I was not ok
Afraid that I’d been wasting my time
Chasing lofty dreams instead of toeing the line
So afraid I was that they would see the cracks too
Everyone depending on me to see this through
Unmovable unbreakable and always available
the biggest fear of mine was that I lied so many times
To so many different people who helped keep my peace of mind
Unsure I’d ever be able forgive myself
Or forget how many people that I told the same lies to
Or would it ever be possible that I could ever be forgiven

And I took everything I learned
And then I just put myself first
There’s still time for me to start again

Time for me to make a choice
Time for me to raise my voice
I’ll keep screaming right until the bitter end
Track Name: Let's Smash Gender In The Face And Call It A Day
What is it that limits my expression
Figured it out and now I know it’s name
It’s this little thing that most are calling Gender
Isn’t it time that it was thrown away

All of this time spent clawing for the surface
Most of my time felt like I was gonna drown
Suffocating under labels and expectations
Now it’s high time that we burned it all down

There are so many people it’s not helping
Women and Men and everyone in between
If we could stop assuming on appearance
There would be so many people who could
Be who they wanna be

All of my time spent glancing through a window
None of my fashion matches the inside
if it wasn’t for an invisible fucking rulebook
could have spent more time getting on with life
Track Name: The Bad Brain Blues
Here’s how it feels to spend most of your life
To stand looking inward but from the outside
Feeling so useless and lost and afraid
Invisible scars were the price that I paid

If I’m always just gonna feel bad
Then I’ll take all of the sadness I had
And I’ll rip and I’ll pull it away
I’ll let myself be sad some other day

Cause I’m tired of nights spent in bed
impossible thoughts running around my head
Thinking of things I can’t be
They’re just not for me

Here’s how it feels to spend most of your time
Rewriting your history line after line
Do I have the strength to take hold of myself
And throw it away and become someone else

If I’m always just gonna feel bad
I’ll take all the anger and sadness I had
And I’ll burn them until they are fuel
That I can use to make somebody new

Cause I’m tired of nights spent in bed
Obsessing with everything wrong in my head
All the things I want to be
They could be for me
Track Name: If I Don't Make A Change Soon I'm Going To Hate Myself Forever
Let’s start again just hit the reset, a do-over
An overwhelmingly disjointed sense of self
How am I supposed to focus on the future
How am I supposed to set goals when I can think of nothing else

But sometimes all you need is just to take a little step and that was all it really took for me

No I couldn’t take the strain felt like my spine was gonna snap
I can only take so much shit before I start just hitting back
I don’t wanna go in circles it was just so plain to see
If I didn’t make the changes then the blame would be on me

Then the blame would be on me

Feeling like someone had set my head on fire
Snuck right up behind me and just drenched me in kerosene
How do I cope with the fallout when it’s over
How am I supposed to feel about a new perception of me

But if there’s something on your mind and then you bring all outside then you can leave a lot of pain behind

No I couldn’t take the strain felt like my spine was gonna snap
I can only take so much shit before I start just hitting back
I don’t wanna find an answer, no there’s no plan in my mind
But there’s still so much more left of me that I’ve yet to find
Track Name: The Fear That Was Real Then Is Real Now
Well what do I say and what do I think
Cause I have found that there are new lows for my self-esteem to sink
An entire new world that I have opened my eyes to
An entire new reality that I’m living my life through

A thousand staring eyes that are fixated on my face
If I could vanish now then I would go without a trace
And God can you will it so they can see right through me
Or to go back to before I made this decision to be

The target of the stares and the scorn
I’m sorry I’m not perfect it’s just how I was born
It’s not a decision I made consciously
I didn’t trade realness for humanity

A worry that I’ve never known
What if someone follows me home

Well what do I do when I need to find
A new strength, a new voice, a new peace of mind
I need a new confidence I need a new defense
A defense I haven’t needed since I jumped the high-school fence

And when I feel the fear, I see that kid
Who was beat up and ridiculed who just ran away and hid
But I will not be wronged by the same hands twice
I won’t be scared to silence I will stand up and fight

With every ounce of strength that resides in my bones
Until I’m battered and bruised and there are tears in my clothes
Fight for what I believe in I won’t be made to hide
Fight for what I am made of, I have to try

Something that I’ve always known
I hate to say I told you so
Track Name: Queer Love Is Hard Enough Without You Wasting My Time
Oh look at you you are so queer very peculiar
I want to open you and see what is inside
You’re on the cusp, the cutting edge you fascinate me
I will be rooting for you here on the sidelines

I want to touch I want to taste I want to feel you
Is your body any different than mine
Where do you live do you have a car when can I meet you
But being seen with you is where I draw the line

Keep discretion in your mind

But if you won’t meet me halfway then you are no good for me
I’m glad I fascinate you but it sounds like all I’ll be
Is a checkbox off a list you made, a trophy that you’ll hide
If you want to meet me you should at least fucking try

Must be so hard being the way that the world made you
My next question is I want to know what’s there
Is it big does it hang low or is there nothing
I want to know the colour of your underwear

I’m not gay but if I was I’d think about it
The two of us prostrated on my bed
I’m not serious no I am only joking
But whispered fantasies would be all that I said

Here’s validation for your pretty little head

No you won’t meet me halfway no you’re just not good for me
I’m not some just some fucking fetish and that’s all I’d ever be
A checkbox off a list you made, a secret from your wife
Now I’m going to ask you nicely to please get out of my life
Track Name: Coming Out Is A Process That Lasts A Lifetime
Well I think it’s time
That I confide
In you what I’ve been hiding inside

Spent the whole night wishing I was somebody else
Now’s the time to be clear about myself

So many times felt like I might cry
Holding the whole weight of myself in
Pulled myself back up cause I’d had just about enough
looking forward instead of where I’d been

Now’s the time
That I surprise
Myself with my own confidence

Never thought I’d have the guts
To raise my wants and needs back up
to the point where I can hear myself

Well who could have guessed
What was coming next
All my little secrets spilling out
Self-Liberating the part of me that I’d had the most doubts about
Track Name: Fully Clothed But Naked
Have you ever felt a stress
In the simple act of getting dressed
The noise inside my head is loud
But I have to do this now

Because I’m killing my soul
I’m losing control
Before too long there will be nothing at all

I’ve been living a lie
I can feel it inside
I’ll take this feeling and make it mine

Cause they don’t know how it feels
Feeling like my skin might peel
I just want this to be real
No they don’t know how it feels

Because it’s killing my soul
I’m gonna take back control
All the judging is gonna take its toll

But I don’t fucking care
I just wanna be there
I wanna clear out all the fog in my head

I need to reset need to clear space in my mind
I wanna get inside and see what I can find
And if I don’t like what I see then I will throw it away
I’ll make a new me and leave my old self to decay

I’m gonna make a new soul
Take the controls
I’ll make it clear that this is not just for show

Because there’s someone inside
Something I’ve had to hide
But I won’t be hiding this time
Track Name: You Can Make Your Own Definition
It’s up for me to decide how I am defined
There’s only one thing I’m defined by and it’s me
So please avert your staring eyes
And your attempts to categorize
The only rules that I am living by are mine

Got no time for all your labels and restraints
Tired of living at a dictated pace

Well are you to deny
What you can see with your own eyes
You say I made it up for me
But you’re just too blind to see

That If it came to be
That I stood in front of you
Yeah in reality
You’re just as real as me

And now it’s up to you
To see how I do too
Now picture this for me
Half a life of misery

Internal struggle and regrets
That were all tied up in my sex
A constant daydream everyday
Will I ever look that way

age-old restrictions we insistently kept around
Were the only thing that ever held me down

Well are you to deny
You couldn’t see it with your eyes
That if it all happened to you
You would see it like I do

You would say that there’s no sense
No substantial evidence
That you can’t have any say
In how you want to self-portray

If there’s something inside then you can be it
If there’s nothing to find then you can steal it
If there’s too much on your mind one day you’ll see it
You can be what you wanna be if you can feel it

I hope one day that I’ll have nothing left to say
I hope that day’s not far away
Track Name: Loving Someone In The 21st Century
It’s funny how you came into my life
Even in this day and age online dating never felt quite right

But here’s the thing that’s true
I feel so right next to you

Love has no boundaries or borders
Let’s take it step by step and keep moving forward
They can build an obstacle but it’ll never be enough
They’ll have to try much harder to defeat us

Let them stare, they don’t know what it’s like
To have someone who holds you close and joins you in the fight

And here’s the thing that’s true
I’ll keep fighting next to you

Love has no boundaries or borders
Never looking behind us just moving forward
Try as they might they’ll never defeat us
As long as we have each other then that will always be enough
Track Name: Anxiety Attack [Acoustic] (Bonus Track)
Well it's impossible to express
The constricting feeling in my chest
Like someone set a fucking snake
Loose in my guts

Feeling all the planets fears
From the last 2000 years
Manifesting itself inside of my brain

I do all I can to keep it at bay
But it never goes away

Fear inside my bones
The feeling I hold close
Like someone went and shot me in the head
But I just didn't wind up dead
Just this constant fucking worry all the time
I wish I could leave it all behind
But I can't because
The fear is buried deep inside my bones

Now imagine the feeling that you get
When you get butterflies inside your chest
Now imagine that 1001 times worse sitting in your gut
There's never any warning any sign
It can come on any fucking time
Even the most perfect of your days can come crashing down

I do all I can to keep it at bay
But it never goes away

Fear inside my bones
The feeling I hold close
Like someone went and shot me in the head
But I just didn't wind up dead
Just this constant fucking worry all the time
Worry so intense you might go blind
Either that or you cry
That's the fear that's buried in my bones
Track Name: Falling In Love With A Machine (Bonus Track)
I hold it close
The first love of my life I’d ever known
And it shows
Because I wear it on my sleeve
I ‘m giving back to you
Because it’s all I can really do
When I was younger
You pulled me up when I fell under

I’ll never understand your huge effect on me
I’ll never understand the workings of your circuitry
You’re like a tower so unfathomably high
I’ll never understand but I’ll try

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